For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
