What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
