just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
