this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
