He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
