i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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