I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
