Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
