Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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