she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
this will be a night to untag.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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