Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
