6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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