I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
