doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
