He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
