you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
wow bdsm is so cute
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
