I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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