if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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