she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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