I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
