We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
