I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
