you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
