Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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