Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
