I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
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