whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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