That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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