I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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