took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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