That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
