What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
