Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
