The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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