that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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