His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
