I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
