I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
