If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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