eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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