the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
