you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
