After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
