my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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