I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
