I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
