I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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