How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
