Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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