Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
