Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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