I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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