The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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